Let’s face it, good jobs are hard to find – and good workers, even harder, according to a cross section of business owners in the industry. So once you have a job, what can you do to hold onto it? And how can you get that coveted promotion in a cut-throat company?



10. Never walk without a document – People with documents look like hardworking employees headed to important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they’re headed for the cafeteria. Note that someone carrying a newspaper in their hand looks like they’re headed for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you really do.


9. Use a computer to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like “work” to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren’t exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about, but they’re not bad either. When your boss catches you – and you will get caught – your best defense is to claim you’re teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.


8. Keep a messy desk.  Only top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we’re not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year’s work looks the same as today’s work; it’s volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you’ll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.


7. Make your voice mail work for you – Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don’t call you just because they want to give you something for nothing – they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That’s no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they’re not there. It will look like you’re hardworking and conscientious even though you’re being a devious weasel.


6. Look impatient and annoyed – According to George Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give off the impression that you’re always busy.


5. Leave the office late– Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read all those magazines and books that you always wanted to read. Make sure you walk past the boss’ room on your way out. Send important e-mails at unearthly hours (i.e. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays.


4. Practice creative sighing for effect – Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.


3. Use a Stacking Strategy – It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor, etc. Thick computer manuals and reference books are the best. Think mass – not content.


2. Build your vocabulary – Read some industry magazines or blogs and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember, they don’t have to understand what you say, but you will sure sound impressive.


1. (This is the most IMPORTANT piece of advice:) If you share this valuable info, choose wisely. And if your boss sees it, you’ll have to change your tactics!